These are excuse notes that school secretaries have actually received. Some of these were in an article in the Detroit News back in the 1970s.

Please excuse Richard for being absent Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and 33.

Richard was absent yesterday because of a sour throat.

Please excuse Richard Friday. He had loose vowels.

Please excuse Richard from jim today.

Please excuse Richard from P.E. for a few days. He fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

Richard was hit yesterday playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Richard was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.

Please excuse Richard. He has been sick and under the doctor.

Please excuse Richard from being absent yesterday. He was sick and I had him shot.

Please excuse Richard for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Richard won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend his funeral.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Please excuse Johnny for being. It was his father’s fault.